I don’t really know who I am. I don’t really know what kind of person I am. Am I funny? Am I kind? Am I clever? I have no freaking idea. I can be those things, and I can be the opposite of those things. It depends. Nothing about myself is in concrete, there isn’t one attribute I have that translates to every area of my life. I’m like a Frankenstein’s monster of emotions, attributes and quirks. So who the heck am I? In one of my favourite books, one of my least favourite characters has an interesting thought. In Atonement by Ian McEwan, Briony Tallis is questioning whether other people have thoughts and imaginations on a scale like her own. While this is a totally narcissistic thought, it is pretty interesting to think about. Think about all the turmoil and craziness whirling about in your mind. Do other people really have all that going on as well? Of course, but we never really think about it. At least I don’t. Does that mean I’m too focused on myself, or ignorant? Maybe.
What I’m trying to get at, do people all have this indecision about who they are? Or is inconsistency and change in our actions part of what makes us individuals? Does it make us blurry and the same or make us individuals?
I don’t know! I don’t think I’ll ever know. It’s subjective though, isn’t it? There isn’t a template for the ‘average’ person. So, maybe, I should stop worrying and just get on with making what there is of me more interesting. Actually, that’s a good idea.
Let’s stop with the rhetorical questions Megan. They get annoying fast.